• dt: facebook is recommending me to be friends with this chick, http://www.facebook.com/fuckinghotchick. I WISH I KNEW THIS CHICK, if only to give me a vaster array of images to jerk off to.

  • dt: dude. the entire time we were macking, i was thinking about what if i got the herp. thanks for teaching me about STDs, asshole.

  • jb: both chicks are going to be there. fuck dude. which one do i make out with??
  • dt: id make out with the chick that you havent yet disappointed in bed.

  • rp: i could score birds, but i like my tea and movie before bed and don't need some girl messing that up.

  • jb: when i see non-chicks sporting an AA v-neck, i get pissed and try to picture them sans shirt. then i usually regret that decision because i get aroused.

  • JB: ooooouch. strap-on vag. mmmmm.

  • DT: i sometimes try to just change the subject to something completely random (like those situations where youre sleeping in the same room as someone/friend and never know whether you should talk when you goto bed and then you kinda just want to goto bed but youre stuck in some massive conversation. i used that one the other day).
  • JB: the sleeping in the same room talking thing. i know it well hahaha. i hate when it happens and youre uber tired. sometimes, i feel like it would be best to just get up, go to the bathroom and pretend to take a really long shit. that way, when you return, your buddy will be asleep. problem averted.

  • JB: i hope that if i die and get a hard on, someone will tummy tuck it for me. i dont want to be lying there in front of everyone with a pitched tent.
  • DT: wtf is wrong with you? i hope if i die and get a hard on, someone will 'take care' of it with a little hand action. sidenote: can you cum post-mortem?
  • JB: hmmm. i dont think cumming is possible in the afterlife. a hard on sans cum must be major blue balls. sucks for all the deceased men in the world. but ill be there for you bro- to rub you out, when you pass on. just write that in your will to remind me for when that time cums.

  • dt: i try to make foreplay last at least half an hour. and delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

  • dt: i railed her hard last night, bro. and by that, i mean i left her high and dry, flew home solo and rubbed one out to some hot amateurs.